woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
