I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
