Do you still have your period?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just want to make out with him forever
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
