Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize