In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
