it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
