Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
