oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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