I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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