i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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