Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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