it wasn't lemon gatorade
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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