Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize