he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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