i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let's paint friendship bongs
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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