he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
