just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
