I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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