And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
