After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
