That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
