my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
