Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
