The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
