Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
