Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
