One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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