The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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