I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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