if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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