Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
