I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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