Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
