hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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