There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
