i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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