Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
