Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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