i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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