I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
