I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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