he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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