I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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