he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
