so that wasnt chicken after all
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
