What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
