Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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