fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
