im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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