Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
