I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
