he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
