I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I did not marry a roomba.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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