I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
