I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
