$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
