WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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