and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
