my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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