Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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