Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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