She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
