Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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