its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
