When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You ate ashes out of my bong
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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