He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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