Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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