If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
