I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
