Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Please don't give away my fajitas
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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