we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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