I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
