Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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