Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well I just put wine in my tea
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
