Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
