I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
