Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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