We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
