I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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