I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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