last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
