You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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