ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
