You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌