I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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