This girl is more easily done than said...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
