I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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