i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
