i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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